My Parents are just..
I dunno, I think i'm becoming more like the kid in I Not Stupid Too, (the rich kid) whose parents don't understand him.. the situation I'm in now, it's just going on from worse to worst.
It's more of as if I don't get the support I want from them, sorry la but this post going to be abit the emo, well, I'm feeling very frustrated and this sad sobz is in me right now. In my current teen life, I'm holding two major posts and I'm involved in a lot of stuff. Namely, Prefects - Asst. Head, Leo - Secretary, Boys Brigade - Member, Church - Worship Team and I love to go for outings that I can gain at least some knowledge.
But what support do I get from my parents? I dunno maybe I just don't feel the support IF they are giving me any at all. When I do something that I'm really committed in, I just go all out to acheive what I want? Ok, maybe I neglect some stuff in the process.. But WHY can't they (my parents) understand about my commitment? Why can't they think of it in my shoes? A typical teenager going through the toughest challenge in life - CHANGE.
They say I'm getting over-committed, for example, today I am having an Impromptu Speech Test for my Communications Badge but at the freaking same time I have to attend my great grandma's bday in Malacca just to give "face", that Impromptu Test will gain me 5% if I perform. And as you guys know already, I go all out to do something that I want. So my dad came today to pick me up early to go to Malaccca, I told him that my Test haven't end, he insisted on going and going, but what's the point? We're already ending up getting there late, why can't wait just for another 5 minutes more? He still insisted, I had to give in in order to not cause an arguement between me and him, oh boy, you do not wanna hear me argue.
Thankfully, my officer agreed to allow me to take the impromptu next week. The sacrifice I had to make to go to a stupid bday party, leaving a bad impression of myself on my officer and not being able to learn from my fellow classmates mistakes. I dunno how that would cost me next week.
A few weeks ago, I challenged my dad saying that " What IF I want to be a pastor? ", the next 5 days, on and on about he went about pastoring being a bad thing, low salary, waste of talent and loads more of crap. At the end of the 5 days, I told him that I just wanted to see his reaction. Wanted to see whether his heart has changed to finally accept the fact that I would go all out to ignite the flame in me to serve the one and only God. When can he finally understand? I dunno, maybe the way I approached him is wrong.. All i need now is advice.. I need some guidance.. Been waiting so long for something to happen, but oh well, his heart is still a heart of stone. Dear God, please help me... oh and btw, dad's a free thinker
Now I'm off to Malacca to show my "face" there, please pray for me that I can bear with my parents, I dunno how long i can stand with them, without their support, I dunno what I can do now, but thankfully I have my true Father's support, up there in heaven. Please pray that my parents too finally change and experience my shoes. Thanks for reading this emo post of mine and please advice me... =(
8 confession[s]:
my, my... let's see where i can start... a little of my own experience perhaps? alright, let me organize my thoughts here...
ok, basically, there are 3 things to consider from this post i've read...
1. responsibility as a child
2. responsibility as a teen
3. responsibility for your actions
1. Responsibility as a child.
well, i do not know much about your dad but to say that he does not support you in what you do is the biggest lie a son can say about his dad. while it is true that parents can be the most unreasonable being in the planet, fact remains that they are thinking of you and your future. if it was true he does not support what you do, he would have thrown you out the window the moment you were born. but he stuck with you. dad's have a hard time showing compassion coz it's a male ego thing. i know coz my dad's like that... it wasn't until much later in my life did i experience his love for me. now, when we sit to chat, we talk about things that concern the commercial world of which it is his forte. from the way he advises me and tell me of stories, i knew he was giving me his advise because he says it with the utmost enthusiasm... i bet he never talks to anyone else with such excitement... fact: he loves and therefore he shares. fiction: he does not support me.
As far as phillial duties are concerned, it is also a must. i hate going down to Ipoh just to attend a wedding/bday/some funny family function. it's true, most of the time we go down, we go during weekends, thus, sacrificing yet another week of BB. but we have to remember... even if we are there just to "show-face" or we really want to, we must remember our roots. no granny and gramps, no mommy or daddy... no mommy or daddy, no you. we must remember... blood is thicker than water... like it or not, no matter how close a fren is, he or she is still water... always picture yourself in your parents position... how would it feel to learn that your grandchild didn't want to see you due to distance factor? Are you saying that if your child has to go to a neighbouring state to work, you do not expect to spend any more time with him or her? next thing to consider is that, your grandparents are old. you do not expect them to travel down to meet you just to celebrate their birthday with you right? it goes the same as BB. when a member requires help from the officers of NCOs, we go to them and not call them to come to you just to help you. like it or not, it's protocol. i believe grand parents deserve twice the respect of our parents for that matter.
2. Resposibility as a teen
i think there is not much need to say this. i've written an article on prioritising and putting what matters most to us and how we should drop certain things when it starts to overwhelm us. Refer to the article titled "Jack of all trades, master of none".
3. Resposibility for our actions
All our actions come with a consequence. it is the discipline in life. if you steal, expect to be robbed. if we scold, expect to be hurt physically, mentally or emotionally. it is all in the cycle of life. i think it was wrong for your dad to tell you that being a pastor is a bad thing. if everyone thinks like him, there will be no more spiritual leaders or guides for us to look up to. in fact, it was good that you told your dad that you wanted to see his reaction to your statement. i hope he gave a thought to his actions and learn from it. We always tell ourselves that doing this or that is noble, but whether we do it, is a different issue altogether. what i am trying to say is that we have to be resposible with what we do or say. "Be ye, doers of the Word, and not so deceiving themselves ..." James 1:22. to this, i encourage you to study the book of James as it is a book to help you understand responsibility, integrity and honour.
well, i hope you learn something. if not, i have failed you as a leader and apologize for not bringing you up as a protege as i should have.
Seki
Hey. You wanna know something? I've been through that stage (and it often repeats itself) and trust me, it passes. Hey, sometimes the zip-it-and-shut-up method works, and everything settles down sooner or later. My parents can be very unsupportive at times too. Like, when I need to stay back for my weekly librarian duties, they go, 'Aileen, just pandai2 skip them, they're not important, come home and study!' and guess what, I got a second warning letter for that. One more and I'm OFF. Officially. So... I'm a librarian-prefect, Taekwondo girl-black, Kung fu-member, Unit Bimbingan Sekolah-member, Fencing-member, Piano-Grade 8 holder, Class-Decoration Head, Part-time sprinter, who just Happens the only hope for sprinting in my sports house (why OH why?). Oh, and ex-cheerleader.
Just so you know, my parents forbid me to baptise until I turn 21. They're worried about me being commited in church activities and 'being tied down to a religion'. I bet they don't even realise that I'm already sure about what I want most of the time. But hey, I live with it.
So the thing is, no matter how baseless your dads decisions are, you have to remember that he's human too. Humans make mistakes, we were designed to. Even when you do what you thing is best, things don't always turn out righ, I'm sure you'll understand. Try asking Why, and when you get your answer, try understanding. A typical Malaysian looks for other people's fault before their own. Don't be one of them. I'm not saying your wrong. Try putting yourself in your dad's shoes Without selfishness what-so-ever. Perhaps it will shed new light to the situation..
Hahaha, I know I'm ranting. Get used to it.=p
Hmm. I typed out a whole long comment but then it got lost. -_-" Let's try and see if I can remember even half of what I typed.
I understand what you mean about being committed and going all out to do something. If you're gonna do something, do it with passion and to the fullest, right? No point going halfway.
But really, sometimes parents are just worried on whether we can handle it. We may think we can (afterall, think positive, and you can definitely do it, no?) but sometimes we're just blinded by our dreams. Not to say that dreaming is wrong but you need a good dose of reality to keep you in check as well. I used to be super active in loads of things, and people admired me for I could still keep up with my grades. Thankfully, I could cope but after awhile, it started affecting my health. The effects weren't so apparent at first, but this year I fell sick twice. And not just light sicknesses either, but the "really cannot go to school" type. I started to realize that when my parents were "being busybodies", they were just concerned over whether I could cope with it. My dad, especially. They would always tell me to go to sleep when I used to think that "if I need to sacrifice sleep to get this done, I will" but I realize now that was silly. Sleep IS the most important thing. I now sleep at 10pm, if sleep calls me.
But ANYWAY,
Point is, we may always think what we're doing is right, but it's good to look at things from a different perspective and think, "Could I do it in some other way?" When I got the head post, I had to drop everything. It was kind of hard for me at first because I had worked just as hard for the others, but now after a few weeks, I realize it was in my best interest. Even though I'm sure I could have pulled it off, but at what cost? At the expense of my health, my well being, my sanity, my relationships with family and friends? I prefer it this way: I can focus on only one thing, and make sure that I do that thing as well as I can. People think that one must hold multiple posts in order to be deemed great, but I now know otherwise. It's how many people's lives you inspire while you're leading.
So? Family ALWAYS comes first, whether you like it or not. At this point of time, of course we all love our friends more, but when we grow older we'll come to realize that it's true.
Any other problems feel free to come to me. =). I'm all ears. =).
Hope this has helped you in a way.
Oh, and most importantly, pray to God and ask yourself, "What Would Jesus Do?" It seems so easy but really, it isn't. I always forget to ask myself that then when I do, suddenly it becoems so clear to me. =).
in my opinion, kenn always try to understand wad ur parents are thinking. i'm not saying i'm alwez tht way when my parents nag , scold, yell, scream or drum into me but! i've been getting the SAME treatment like u ever since i was eleven. like you, i'm very very active in or out of skewl. and in a way, my parents hate it.
i gotta admit, change is the toughest challenge. and we'll be facing that challenge all our life. maybe ur parents are...er... wanting some more of your attention at home? u get wad i mean? i was a so called over-committed scout that my parents demanded i reduce the meetings i attend or dun attend at all! i felt reli down and all, got into a arguments fer weeeks or monthss, even cried like a tap. but when i thot abt it, they just wanted wads best fer me. they wanted me to study fer gud grades and spend more quality time with the family.
like Zhen sed, family will alwez be first. heheh! though i have to admit again! i dun alwez think tht way. chill Kenn. hey! if i'm giving bad advise, dun follow k? heheh!
whoa! u actually sed tht to ur dad!? tht took guts to be so forward and honest to ur dad. but u might wanna be reli...submisive? to ur parents. tht is one my tricks to survive them. i go : " yes yes....ok ok..." and TRY to do it.
abt parents support. i didnt get mine. still havent.not enuff la to be...reli supportive parents but i keep pursuing wad i know i want and can excel in. i often try to get their support by telling them wad i do, the benefits i get NOW, and the benefits later on in my life. examples, i am the president of the elite english society " parents, this will allow me to gain more knowledge and improve even more!" , as a president of the english society, same excuse but i sed will help others and learn to delegate my smaller minions to be a effective organisation, as a vice president of the basketball society, " keep me fit , dun wanna be sick, i got a sport which i can play well.", as a treasurer fer scouts - i knw even better on how to use my accounting skills (i wanna study macroeconomics), i'm a debater,public speaker, emcee, skewl DJ, ajk BI,skewl badminton player and a healthy christion.ALL OF IT! i gave alot of things fer them to think abt fer my future benefits. my parents still say tht i'm toooo active and shud study harder. then i turn the tables on them and come up with gud grades. then they started to show me support (a reli tinie winnie bit) by helping me write reports, accompany during late nites and even gimme a lift to sum destination ( used to go on foot or bus).
see? life aint tht hard unless u dun bother trying to help urself. sacrifice just the littlest of the activities and see if it helps lightened the naggings ok? i'm actually not too sure if i gave any gud ones, but i just wanna say, ur not alone. be strong k? keep the fire burning and the prayers flowing. He will make it all better. ;) charlotte
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